The Strawberry Blonde Is Now All Gone......

What defines you?  I like to think your character, your compassion, your thoughtfulness, your dedication, or maybe your convictions in your religious beliefs.  When you walk by someone who looks a bit different do you tend to stare?  When you hear something that is a bit out of the ordinary to you, do you find yourself thinking "What did he/she just say"?  OK, so it's totally normal....right??

Lets see it from the perspective of the receiver of those looks and giggles.  So Sunday November 19th, I woke up to what seemed to be a normal day.  While getting ready for church I noticed a bit more hair in my brush than usual.  With each stroke I thought to myself, "I could make my own wig"!! ha ha.... So I knew this day would come but I was hoping it would happen after my 2nd Chemotherapy treatment.  Now lets think about this, does anything in my life happen like it should, or even on time??  While at church I was praying that no one would give me a hug and touch my hair, for fear it would come out in their hands & I would have to explain.  Then what would they do with this enormous amount of hair in their hands, that would be embarrassing.  Well that almost happened, but my quick hand headed off that stroking of my hair like Superman stopping Lex from trying to strike him.  OK so I'm not a superhero but I kinda like the analogy.

I decided since our daughter Cassandra would arrive on Tuesday November 22nd, I would wait to have it cut off that night.  We had all our children (except Janessa & Austin), Howie and Ann Sarmiento, and of course Elizabeth Bence and her daughter Carrie.  I had a good friend Nikki Gouldin, who happens to be a hairdresser, come do the honors.  Ann brought me a scarf and bangs....yes I said bangs.  They are a like a wig but on a thin head band, you wear them under a hat or scarf.  They are really cute!!

So Nikki started to take my hair band out of the braid I had & make a pony tail.  I tried to tell everyone that my hair falls out in big clumps...but they really didn't understand.  That is until Nikki took the braid out, everyone just looked, mouths dropped and all I heard was, Wow.  I tried to tell them...ha ha.  So after she carefully put my hair in a pony tail Carrie, Cassandra and Makayla took turns cutting the pony tail off.  So my hair, when you would look at me, seemed really Strawberry Blonde...emphasizing BLONDE.  Well under those blonde locks was dark red hair, almost blonde!!  It was a fun night only filled with laughter, just the way I wanted it.  Nikki was able to buzz it down to a 0, which still left stubble.  The next morning Cassandra & I got creative using duct tape to get those remaining hairs.  I still have stubble but was able to take out some hair that is just sitting there.  No it didn't hurt, I have some hair that has no roots, its just sitting in the pore waiting to come out.  I think after tomorrow I will lose the rest, including eyebrows and eyelashes...now you can cry for me...he he he.

I have refused to stay inside like a hermit crab, huddled on my sofa watching movies all day, so Wednesday  Cassandra & I went out.  It felt weird, now everyone will know I have cancer.  People do look at me differently, treat me differently and people who usually wouldn't give me the time of day even come up to me and try to be my new BFF....Whatever!!!!  I do appreciate the sentiment though.  We have had many friends and families who are both members and non-members of our church bring us dinners.  Thank you Debbie Crockett for organizing this.  We so appreciate all the meals, especially when I have no energy or are too sick to get out of bed the 4 days after chemo to cook dinner.  But its ok, my mom told me to be proud of my baldness....ok I will try.  She even cut her hair really short, thanks Mom.  But let me just say, please don't cut your hair short or off on my behalf....it really stinks.  I wear scarfs and hats for now,  I really don't know if I will wear wigs though...but I have bangs...ha ha!!

So my point to this is when you see someone who is bald, please don't look at them with concern or pity in your face.  That is truly the last thing anyone who is battling Cancer or dealing with Alopecia (refers to a group of rare disorders that destroys the hair follicle & replace it with scar tissue, thereby causing permanent hair loss) really wants to see.  When fighting a disease it's overwhelming sometimes, you need to have strength to get through it.  Talking about it is good, making jokes about its great and killing the disease is Worth It!!   But please remember, I am not dying....I'm in it to win it...sorry to my girls, I know it's a cheer motto but truly I am!!  I have too much to accomplish on this earth, one of them is to live to be at least 90 something.  Thank you to all my family & friends who have called, mailed me cards, sent me emails, text messages and messages on Facebook.  Those who come to see me, give me hugs, bring me gifts and feed my family....I am eternally grateful.  Now remember....NO TEARS.... so I leave you with this Makayla "mom do we have any conditioner" Marri "no honey I didn't even think to buy that lately, I haven't really needed it for a while now".

Live, Love & Laugh...and Read Your Scriptures After You Pray.....

That's What Gets Me Through Each & Every Day.  

Now, on to Christmas!!!!!

Can Hair Follicles Really Hurt??

All who know me know, I am sensitive when it comes to my skin, but I hadn't really prepared myself enough for the possible reactions to the chemicals that would be going through my veins.  My skin is so dry and my hair, the actual follicles, hurt???  I have learned that for the 5 days following treatment your hair will hurt to brush, to touch, to move and to just look at?!   I figure my time with this hair that I have had for 45 years will soon shed, leave me and be replaced by....a younger, healthier and better looking head of locks.  I am excited to see what will happen but really hoping for anything but grey!!!

The side effects from Chemo so far.....hand rash, mouth sores, body aches, sleeplessness, hair hurts, memory a bit fuzzy, eyesight off, fatigue & taste buds missing in action.  I know with each side effect, I will get through it and move on.  Today I really can't eat pretty much anything with the new mouth sores, so I had a milk shake for dinner.  Brushing my teeth is really painful so I do  it gently.

Although I could be mad and say "I Hate Having Cancer" I have to reflect on why I have this disease.  I was given this disease for a reason.  I pray that I will know what it is I am to do with all I am going through and learn so I can put my knowledge to good use.  Anger wont get me anywhere, a positive attitude will, and this will make me, my family & those around us happy.

So I figure by what I am told by those who are currently going through the same type of Chemo Therapy and my Doctor and nurses, my hair has about 2 more weeks with me.  I have gotten some beanies, hats and scarves in preparation for my new look.  I have a good friend Ines Parr who is going through Chemo Therapy for Breast Cancer right now, she has been such a good friend and Mentor to me through this process.  She is such an inspiration and has such a great positive attitude,  I really look up to her.

Janessa was in town over last weekend and made us dinner one night, I was able to taste it and it was soooooo good.  JT and his friend Camille make cake for desert & I was able to taste that too!!!  Thanksgiving is just 7 days away, I hope my mouth sores are gone by then so I can eat the amazing dinner Cassandra will be making us.  My family is amazing, I am so blessed to have them in my life.

First Chemotherapy Treatment

Kenny had called our Ward Missionaries to come and help him administer a Priesthood Blessing to me as a comfort for sick.  That really helped calm my fears of the unknown for the day.  Elders Evanson and Nielson didn't know what was wrong with me until they arrived, they just knew I was in need of a blessing.  They were so amazing and humble.

My Sister In Law Ann took & sat with me so patiently for over 4 hours Tuesday.  She was so great & even held my hand while I had the IV put into my hand, this is something I just hate having done.  You would have thought by looking at us we were going on a trip, she with her bag, lunch and laptop, me with my huge bad of books, scriptures, journal, snacks, lunch, 1 ltr. water bottle, blanket and cell phone in hand.



I had many who texted me during the process with lots of great thoughts and words of encouragement.  As I met my nurse for the day Vee, she reassured me that they would take it slow to see my tolerance to taking the Chemo drugs.  At first they stared me with a bag of Saline, then came the Bendadryl and Pepcid to counter act the Corticosteroid "Dexamethasone" & Chemo drugs Taxotere and Cytoxan.  I was doing great until the Taxotere, after the fist 10 minutes my knees had the worst aching and I could barely walk.  That subsided after another 10 minutes.  I had this drip for about 1 1/2 hours.  Then I had the Cytoxan, this was ok at first but then came the burning in the hand....more like stinging.  I only had this drip for about 40 minutes, thank goodness.  I did have some nausea but it was light, until I got home.  Then came the fatigue and upset stomach.  All I wanted to do was sleep, but I had to take more of my Dexamethasone, this is a medicine that must be taken with food, UGH.  So I had half a sandwich, took the meds and got to sleep for about two hours.

Oh but wait, it was election night here in Santa Clartia and needed to help Measure E pass so our School District could get the much needed funding from our current property taxes.  So at 7:45pm I made Kenny take me out so we could vote.  It was well worth it, Measure E passed!!

I was able to get a good night sleep from about 10pm-4:30am.  I had to take all my meds from 5am-6am with food..ugh!  So I made myself toast with Peanut Butter, I am finding my taste buds have been effected and the Peanut Butter doesn't taste so good to me anymore.  I had to force down 2/3's of the toast and had to stop, took my pills and sat in bed watching my favorite show, The KTLA Morning News & waking my husband up to get the kids up for the day.  I tried eating my normal breakfast of Raisin Bran Crunch, but that doesn't taste so good either???  I'm worried about lunch now...ha ha

I know I have a challenging 3 months ahead but it's so outweighs the alternative.  I am fighting for my life here and I don't take one moment for granted.

I should be feeling better Friday and Janessa arrives Saturday for a few days.  Then Cassandra comes home for Thanksgiving week!!  I love that my girls participated in a Breast Cancer Run in Utah last month, dedicating it to me.  It's a hard lump to swallow seeing the stickers on them "I Am Running For My Mom", I guess it makes it all to real.  It's one thing to go through the motions but another to see it in a picture.  All my children make me so proud.  This is not just my fight, it's my families fight too.  I get many pictures that Dillon makes me wishing me "Get Well Soon Mom".  We all handle it differently but yet have our faith in Heavenly Father that we are not walking alone.  In fact we are sometimes carried in our darkest moments.  As I pray & read my scriptures daily I find renewed strength.  May we all strive to find a renewed strength daily.

It's All In The Attitude

When a tragic event or serious situation in your life happens you realize that what you need is a positive attitude.  In order to accomplish this you need to surround yourself with positive people, unfortunately that means friends  who usually are negative, but you put up with them, become those who you would rather not be around.  Now these are not bad people, they just suffer from what I like to call the "Eeyore Syndrome".

Usually you can handle the "Pity Me" or "I'm Angry At The World" personalities by letting it all roll off your shoulders.  What really is funny are those cantankerous persons who use up all their energy to blatantly create havoc.  Now those personalities can be so difficult to be around.  I would suggest steering clear of those personalities when going through a very difficult time in your life.  We all need to be tolerant and love one another, but everyone does have their limits.

A great part of recovery from anything in life is putting yourself in a great place.  I try reading my scriptures, having daily prayer with my family and a separate one with my husband, keeping a journal, making good choices and being a good friend and neighbor.  I find that when I do this, regardless of what happens around me, as long as I keep my focus on my goal of happiness I am in a good place in life.

What makes me the most happiest is when I attend any of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Temples.  The peace I feel in our Temples is one that you can't find anywhere else on earth.  Everyone is soft spoken, smiling, always eager to be friendly and helpful.  Even when our family attends the Temple Visitors Centers we find a peace that is so amazing.

Time with my family....when they aren't fighting....ha ha.  I love spending time with my family wether it's watching a movie, TV show, playing a game, telling jokes, taking road trips, vacations, stuck in traffic, times of sorrow or joy.  No matter the situation I love being with my family.

I love going to Disneyland, Disney World...pretty much anything Disney makes me happy.  Why do you think Disney makes people happy?  I think it's the unknown magic that all things Disney brings to each life.  No matter the weather, the crowds or time of year.... Disney makes me happy!

Laughing, its such a great medicine.  I love to laugh with friends and family.  I think the sillier you seem to get you tend to laugh at nothing at all.  No matter what once you laugh, your in a good mood.

Make sure to find your happiness in life and spread positive attitudes, those who have negative attitudes seem to end up bitter and alone in life.  Appreciate what you have, don't long for something you don't have.  Life is too short to not appreciate everything and be happy.