Socially Acceptable............

This last year we have struggled with an issue at our sons school, bullying.  He has been harassed, pushed, kicked, tripped, teased, made fun of, singled out, and roughed up after school.  We have tried to work with the Administration of our school, but have been told "its all him" or "he is blowing things out of proportion".  There hasn't been a week that hasn't gone by this school year where he comes home talking about how he is picked on.  At first as a parent you are so defensive and want to find out who is doing this.  Then you talk to the school only to hear this is all in your child's mind.  You start to rationalize it just to cope.  All year we have seen his self confidence start to diminish, his happy go lucky attitude go dark.

I even went on a field trip with his class so I can see how he interacts with the kids, what I saw broke my heart.  Kids were indifferent to him, while on the bus I sat in the back and could hear a few boys taunt him and make fun of him.  The teacher was in the front so I am assuming she didn't hear this.  As a parent I wanted to protect him and tell those boys what they were doing was wrong, but then thought I may make it worse for him.

So many days he tells us how kids trip him and make him fall to the ground only to laugh at him.  Other kids bully him into giving him part of his lunch.  Girls have even circulated a picture of him on cell phones making fun of him at home and school.  I have even listened while kids bullying him while on XBox Live while playing games together.

I am sure you are asking yourself "where is the school in all this"?   I have spoken with his teacher who admitted she has seen somethings happen in the class.  It has gotten to the point were he will start to verbally fight back, which we have discouraged.   The Principal has told me "kids do trash talk on the playground but what can we do"?  We send our children to school thinking it will be a safe and educational environment and for the last 21 years having our children in the same elementary school district we have never experienced anything like this.  The principal even offered for our son to meet with a school councilor who can meet with him and teach him tools to use to cope with situations.  After an interview on the phone the councilor told me he would be benefit but because we have an HMO he doesn't qualify for this service.

I have come to see that Socially it is acceptable to use foul language at such young ages, its Socially acceptable to tease others and get away with it.  I think its a travesty that anyone at any age has to be told to just toughen up and deal with others making fun of you.  This is not how anyone should have to live.   I can't but help see that those who are the perpetrators are the ones who dictate what is Socially acceptable....This is where I draw the line.

I have asked a few moms at this school to ask their children if they have noticed if he is bullied or picked on.  The response was the same from each child, "yes he is and the language those kids use is not right".   "The kids pick on him and some bully".  "He's a nice kid and I don't know why they do this to him".   That is when my heart sunk.  When I told the Principal this she told me "I wish you wouldn't have done that, that is an inaccurate way to know.  I invite you to come and be on the playground to watch for yourself".  I appreciate the invitation but what will I see, kids being on their best behavior,  who will then later pick on my son for having me there?  I went to talk to his teacher before school stared and my son said "I hope the bad kids don't see us come out of the class, they will make fun of me and make stuff up".    I spoke to a mom about this and she said her daughter has expressed the same to her.

We have prayed with our son about this issue, to give him strength and peace.  There are so many days he doesn't want to go to school, he would rather be home, but we tell him to keep his head high & just tell them to STOP IT!  We pray for those who are committing these mean acts on our son, we pray that their hearts will be softened and they will see how their choices have been.  Each day we tell him to be strong & know Heavenly Father is walking right along side him.

Recently our church held its annual General Conference and President Dieter F Uchtdorf delivered this message to the world:

https://www.lds.org/youth/video/bullying-stop-it?lang=eng

I watched this video and as painful as it is to watch, I had my son watch with me.  I told him "see President Uchtdorf says to just say STOP IT".  I can only hope and pray you who are reading this will watch this video and share this with your family & friends.  If only we can all learn from two little yet very powerful words...Stop It.

Its Time For Spring Cleaning.......

Happy Spring Ladies, now don't forget to clean out closets, move furniture to clean behind and get all those dust bunnies and clean out the garage.  While your at it don't forget to detail your car, its needed it for a while.  Then make sure to turn all the mattresses over and donate all the items you don't need to a worthy cause.

Now that you have done all that take a look in the mirror.  Now it's time for you!  Call and make that appointment for your annual, or for some your first, Mammogram.  While you at it call to schedule a Physical as well.

One day while I was performing a self breast examination I found a lump.  Now this was about 2 months before our first daughter was to be married, so I resolved myself to "its nothing and if it is I will deal with it after the wedding".  Then came the end of the school year, the beginning of summer and finally I had my 2nd annual mammogram appointment to attend.  While I was there I told the Technician that I felt a lump but its was up high on my chest wall.  She right away said "the mammogram wont detect that area so I am going to send a referral off to radiology for you to have an ultrasound mammogram for that area".   When I attended my 'ultrasound mammo' I was told my Mammogram looked great and they really couldn't find anything.  I had to show them where and after a few minutes BINGO, they found what I had felt.  Fast forwarding I had 3 different types of Cancer, one of which was very a aggressive cancer.

After much prayer and discussion my husband and I told the breast surgeon that I wanted a 'Bilateral Mastectomy'.  My breast surgeon told me after they performed the biopsy "it was only a matter of time before it spread, You Literally Saved Your Life".  Now this was after 2 lumpectomies and 4 rounds of Chemotherapy.  I know that listening to my still small voice & being proactive is what saved my life.

Just 3 weeks ago I ran into an old friend, totally out of the blue.  When I asked how she was she said, "I was just diagnosed with Breast Cancer".  She seemed to still be in shock and didn't know how she and her husband were going to tell their children.  My husband and I pray for her and her family daily.  Over the last 2 years I have meet many wonderful and inspiring women who have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  All of us have our own unique story and all of us have something in common.....we are Survivors.

I encourage you....No I Challenge you to get your Mammogram.  Challenge your moms, sisters, daughters & girlfriends to get their Mammograms too!!!  Its a simple test that take about 15 minutes out of your daily life....to save your life!

Love You..... Marri

2 Years and Counting......

Nearly two years have passed since I had my Bilateral Mastectomy and became officially Cancer Free. Since then so much has happened to me, I am sad to say that I have neglected to write about.  I have started a new business as a bookkeeper for small businesses.  This has kept me very busy, so busy I have subconsciously neglected myself and exercise.

Looking back on the days I was just living one at a time, I kept telling myself "A year from now, 2 years from now".  Well its now that bench mark and I seem to be doing well.  All my hair is back, & I love to brush it, blow dry it and play with it.  Funny how things such as simple as brushing your hair is taken for granted.

Gossip, It's Never A Good Thing.......

Do you ever feel like your angry and you don't know why?  No it's not Menopause!  I was at a point where I had noticed in my life that something has been holding me back and I just couldn't move forward.  I tried to think it was someone else or something else, you know its always easier to blame someone else, it eases the pain.  I have found that facing my frustration will help me move forward.


So here it is.... about 4 years ago someone who I thought was a friend came to me one day.  Now this is someone who has been known to complain to others of how they feel they are not liked, and after a while you start to notice you are falling into that same mentality and find yourself looking for new friends.  On a few occasions she felt the need to tell me how others didn't think highly of my family and one day in-particular she said "you know I had lunch with this these women and they were talking about you and your situation".  She continued to tell me how these women were choosing to make me their topic of discussion, how stupid my husband and I were and what bad parents they thought we were.

Well of course I went through the usual female emotions.....

Mad: How could they say these things about me, I have never said one mean or negative thought about them.

Hurt: Now I feel like crawling under a rock, these women whom I thought were friendly towards me think so little of my family.

Anger: Seriously, who do they think they are?  I wouldn't want to be near them on judgement day!

Depression: I want to totally withdraw from everyone and just forget about having a friend, no one is truly my friend anyway.

After my emotions got the best of me for about a year I realized this is just not me.  I tried to turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness but yet these women seemed to me to snub me and only were friendly around big groups when others are looking.  I then decided to just ignore and move on, then I was diagnosed with Cancer.  I then had put my focus on what really mattered.  For a time we had some very kind friends bring us dinner during the days after my chemo treatments.  Nearly all of these women who passed judgement on me, or so I was being told, brought us dinner.  I didn't have bad feelings with a couple of them but 2 I did, in fact I tried to get out of receiving dinner from them.   This was very difficult for me but I knew that I needed to be more Christ Like.

Now the moral of this story is not to point a finger or to give shame to anyone, it is to bring awareness to feelings.  I have feelings and so do others.  Now in reality I really have no idea if what this woman had told me was even true, none the less I did go through all the emotions.  This has truly effected my friendships with so many, my families relationships with other families and my trust issue.  What I have found in all of this is when I read Scriptures and Pray daily with my family and husband I am so comforted.  I know as long as I treat others how I would want to be treated, have a true intent of my heart and live life with purpose and humbleness I will feel peace.  This is something I have come to know.

I started this story for my blog over 2 years ago and have felt different emotions while trying to finish this post.  Regardless if these women did or didn't choose to pass judgment on my family, they had no idea why my demeanor had changed with them.  I feel so bad and have repented for my actions.   I don't want anyone to take this as "Marri needs a hug"....OK maybe I do, BUT.... we are all here on earth to make our own choices.  Lets just make choices that don't hurt others, no matter your reason. 

Martina Bagaman Sarmiento, Till We Meet Again

My mother in law has been the cement of the Sarmiento Family for 55 years, raised 3 children, helped raise her brothers 2 sons, helped raise 2 of her grandchildren and was an amazing grandmother to 10.  She was born in Shanghai China, migrated to the Philippines, met and married her husband of 55 years, migrated to the USA and worked hard her entire life.  She has said to us quite often "the day I stop working is the day I die".  She had traveled much and never missed a family celebration.  Recently she was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, which is treatable.  We went to visit her in early August and while we were there at her home she had suffered a hemoragic stroke, Kenny went to check in on her and found her standing by her bed unresponsive.  He got our son JT and our nephew Cleve to help him carry her down the hallway.  We called 911 and were fortunate enough to have friends there, one an ICU Nurse and one a Pharmacist.  They recognized she had stroked, so they helped with the EMTs. Within minutes she was on a gurney and off to the hospital with us behind.  The EMT's said as soon as they walked into the hospital she coded and was revived.  After a CAT Scan and other tests we received the news that she was brain dead.  We were all at the hospital at this point and Kenny's brother and family driving 4 hours away to be with her.  We had asked that they keep her alive until they arrived.  After watching her code and they had to work on her....it was all too much and with much anguish and tears Kenny, his sister Beth and I asked the ER Nurse & Doctors to stop.  We brought all the family in to say our goodbyes and I had the great blessing to hold her hand and sing church hymns to her.  Kenny administered a blessing to her and we all stood crying and loving her as she took her last breath.  At that very moment I thought to myself all the little things in life that people tend to blow out of proportion, the craziness that ensues in daily life all needs to be brought into perspective.  Life is truly short and we have so much to do, let each day be treated as a blessing.  Do unto others as you would have done unto you.

The funeral was attended by many and was as lovely as Marty was.  All the grandchildren sang, we as a family sang a song as well.  Many friends and family came from far distances to show their love and respect for such and amazing women.  The closing Hymn to her was "God Be With You Till We Meet Again".... and thats how we as a Sarmiento Family feel.

A Few Words About The Last Year.......

Over the last 5 months I have started a new Career, lost my mother in law to a stroke, sent our son JT off to College, came home to a water heater break and flooded home, been living in the Residence Inn for over 2 months and Celebrated a Birthday Post Chemo.

Starting a new Career has been so great for me, a blessing and so fun.   A great friend offered to train me in becoming a bookkeeper and Office Manager.  I have loved it and learned so much.

We lost the Matriarch of the Sarmiento Family, please read the Post "Martina Bagaman Sarmiento, Till We Meet Again".  

Taking my son to school was bitter sweet.  I know I can call him and skype him anytime however this is just a preparation for his Mission.  JT is doing so great and we had a fun road trip getting there.  As always funny things happen along the way but thats what make for fun family stories and laughs.

I return home with Dillon after our road trip to BYU-Idaho to find that Kenny and Makayla had cleaned the home from top to bottom for me.  Not a speck of dust, furniture all in place and nothing on the floor.  The next day I went to work, picked up Dillon after school then opened the front door to find our home was a Steam Bath.....our hot water heater pipe had broke and blew a hole through our Master Closet and Suite as well as flooded the kitchen and two hall ways.  Luckily we have renters insurance.  We have been at the Residence Inn now for nearly 3 months waiting for the Landlord to fix what needs to be done so we can move back in, which isn't looking so great now.  We have decided to move into another home but thats not as easy as one would think.

I Celebrated my 46th Birthday yesterday but it wasn't just any Birthday, it was the first Post Chemo Birthday.  I have learned that my life has a new normal for everything.  Tuesday I woke up feeling a little like I was going to get a cold, by 1pm I was feeling really sick so I emailed my Oncologist with my symptoms.  She told me to go to the Dr now!!!  By 6pm I as so sick the Dr put me on ZPack, Ear Drop Antibiotics and cough medicine (that made me sick to my stomach....yuk).  The Dr said my immune system is so low that any normal bug that one would be able to fight off could turn in to pneumonia for me quite quickly.  I am frustrated that I can't just fight off a bug, I can't just lose the weight that I put on over the last year, I can't get rid of my new condition Lymphodema.  BUT I am thankful for everyday I have on this earth and intend on making the best of each day.  I am so grateful for my loving and wonderful Husband Kenny, my amazing children and extended family.

This week last year I started my Chemotherapy, this week this year I have Hair, Happiness, Hope, Life and an Amazing Family.

On The Road To Recovery!!

I've been drinking this amazing antioxydent and vitamin drink called Vemma.  After Chemo and surgeries I have had a hard time getting my body back to normal.  My sister told me about this vitamin drink and sent it to me.  Once I started to drinking it my energy level rose, my skin became softer, my hair is growing in faster and thicker.  So I have been looking into this and found that the vitamins used in the this drink (that you only take 2oz daily) is all natural.  There is nothing synthetic or unnatural about it. I can testify to you that this drink works, it goes after the deficiencies in your body to make them right.  Check out my new Vemma Website at marri1.vemma.com