Do you ever feel like your angry and you don't know why? No it's not Menopause! I was at a point where I had noticed in my life that something has been holding me back and I just couldn't move forward. I tried to think it was someone else or something else, you know its always easier to blame someone else, it eases the pain. I have found that facing my frustration will help me move forward.
So here it is.... about 4 years ago someone who I thought was a friend came to me one day. Now this is someone who has been known to complain to others of how they feel they are not liked, and after a while you start to notice you are falling into that same mentality and find yourself looking for new friends. On a few occasions she felt the need to tell me how others didn't think highly of my family and one day in-particular she said "you know I had lunch with this these women and they were talking about you and your situation". She continued to tell me how these women were choosing to make me their topic of discussion, how stupid my husband and I were and what bad parents they thought we were.
Well of course I went through the usual female emotions.....
Mad: How could they say these things about me, I have never said one mean or negative thought about them.
Hurt: Now I feel like crawling under a rock, these women whom I thought were friendly towards me think so little of my family.
Anger: Seriously, who do they think they are? I wouldn't want to be near them on judgement day!
Depression: I want to totally withdraw from everyone and just forget about having a friend, no one is truly my friend anyway.
After my emotions got the best of me for about a year I realized this is just not me. I tried to turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness but yet these women seemed to me to snub me and only were friendly around big groups when others are looking. I then decided to just ignore and move on, then I was diagnosed with Cancer. I then had put my focus on what really mattered. For a time we had some very kind friends bring us dinner during the days after my chemo treatments. Nearly all of these women who passed judgement on me, or so I was being told, brought us dinner. I didn't have bad feelings with a couple of them but 2 I did, in fact I tried to get out of receiving dinner from them. This was very difficult for me but I knew that I needed to be more Christ Like.
Now the moral of this story is not to point a finger or to give shame to anyone, it is to bring awareness to feelings. I have feelings and so do others. Now in reality I really have no idea if what this woman had told me was even true, none the less I did go through all the emotions. This has truly effected my friendships with so many, my families relationships with other families and my trust issue. What I have found in all of this is when I read Scriptures and Pray daily with my family and husband I am so comforted. I know as long as I treat others how I would want to be treated, have a true intent of my heart and live life with purpose and humbleness I will feel peace. This is something I have come to know.
I started this story for my blog over 2 years ago and have felt different emotions while trying to finish this post. Regardless if these women did or didn't choose to pass judgment on my family, they had no idea why my demeanor had changed with them. I feel so bad and have repented for my actions. I don't want anyone to take this as "Marri needs a hug"....OK maybe I do, BUT.... we are all here on earth to make our own choices. Lets just make choices that don't hurt others, no matter your reason.
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