Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Socially Acceptable............

This last year we have struggled with an issue at our sons school, bullying.  He has been harassed, pushed, kicked, tripped, teased, made fun of, singled out, and roughed up after school.  We have tried to work with the Administration of our school, but have been told "its all him" or "he is blowing things out of proportion".  There hasn't been a week that hasn't gone by this school year where he comes home talking about how he is picked on.  At first as a parent you are so defensive and want to find out who is doing this.  Then you talk to the school only to hear this is all in your child's mind.  You start to rationalize it just to cope.  All year we have seen his self confidence start to diminish, his happy go lucky attitude go dark.

I even went on a field trip with his class so I can see how he interacts with the kids, what I saw broke my heart.  Kids were indifferent to him, while on the bus I sat in the back and could hear a few boys taunt him and make fun of him.  The teacher was in the front so I am assuming she didn't hear this.  As a parent I wanted to protect him and tell those boys what they were doing was wrong, but then thought I may make it worse for him.

So many days he tells us how kids trip him and make him fall to the ground only to laugh at him.  Other kids bully him into giving him part of his lunch.  Girls have even circulated a picture of him on cell phones making fun of him at home and school.  I have even listened while kids bullying him while on XBox Live while playing games together.

I am sure you are asking yourself "where is the school in all this"?   I have spoken with his teacher who admitted she has seen somethings happen in the class.  It has gotten to the point were he will start to verbally fight back, which we have discouraged.   The Principal has told me "kids do trash talk on the playground but what can we do"?  We send our children to school thinking it will be a safe and educational environment and for the last 21 years having our children in the same elementary school district we have never experienced anything like this.  The principal even offered for our son to meet with a school councilor who can meet with him and teach him tools to use to cope with situations.  After an interview on the phone the councilor told me he would be benefit but because we have an HMO he doesn't qualify for this service.

I have come to see that Socially it is acceptable to use foul language at such young ages, its Socially acceptable to tease others and get away with it.  I think its a travesty that anyone at any age has to be told to just toughen up and deal with others making fun of you.  This is not how anyone should have to live.   I can't but help see that those who are the perpetrators are the ones who dictate what is Socially acceptable....This is where I draw the line.

I have asked a few moms at this school to ask their children if they have noticed if he is bullied or picked on.  The response was the same from each child, "yes he is and the language those kids use is not right".   "The kids pick on him and some bully".  "He's a nice kid and I don't know why they do this to him".   That is when my heart sunk.  When I told the Principal this she told me "I wish you wouldn't have done that, that is an inaccurate way to know.  I invite you to come and be on the playground to watch for yourself".  I appreciate the invitation but what will I see, kids being on their best behavior,  who will then later pick on my son for having me there?  I went to talk to his teacher before school stared and my son said "I hope the bad kids don't see us come out of the class, they will make fun of me and make stuff up".    I spoke to a mom about this and she said her daughter has expressed the same to her.

We have prayed with our son about this issue, to give him strength and peace.  There are so many days he doesn't want to go to school, he would rather be home, but we tell him to keep his head high & just tell them to STOP IT!  We pray for those who are committing these mean acts on our son, we pray that their hearts will be softened and they will see how their choices have been.  Each day we tell him to be strong & know Heavenly Father is walking right along side him.

Recently our church held its annual General Conference and President Dieter F Uchtdorf delivered this message to the world:


https://www.lds.org/youth/video/bullying-stop-it?lang=eng

I watched this video and as painful as it is to watch, I had my son watch with me.  I told him "see President Uchtdorf says to just say STOP IT".  I can only hope and pray you who are reading this will watch this video and share this with your family & friends.  If only we can all learn from two little yet very powerful words...Stop It.

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