A Day to Remember & Honor

A friend passed yesterday.  She leaves behind a Husband & Children as well as many family & friends.  Her fight was so courageous.  I remember her smile & the love she had for her family.

She helped me with our Elementary School Variety Shows and other PTA events.  She was always about the kids & never about her own gain.  The downside to this is, we will put others I front of our own needs. There are those out there to thrive off attention wither it be good or bad, no matter, the love of attention and control is what some are after.  This women would rather help and never ask for any accolades.  She always did everything with a true intent of her good heart.


Cancer is not easy to fight, over come or even sometimes talk about....but it is becoming increasingly common amongst us.  Its how we fight it, how we win it that makes a difference. Cancer didn't beat this amazing women, she beat it to the very end.  Sadly life goes on for us left here, but for her, well she is in a much better place without pain and in full dignity.

As our hearts & prayers are directed to this amazing, athletic, fun loving woman & her family at this time....I can't help but reflect on this thought that keeps coming to my mind... "Pap & Mammo Ladies"!  Do yourself a favor & Schedule your next appointment.  Do it in honor of someone, do it for your family, do it for YOURSELF.  Lessons are not given to us without learning.  So we go on with this lesson learned, life is all about making the most of every day in a positive way.  I have chosen to live a much happier and positive life since I was diagnosed.  I hope to always be involved in all my children and husband do, I don't want to miss a moment of it.  Life can be so short and lets be honest, for some of us its shorter than others. 

I have much that I would hope to accomplish in this life, I pray I am given the opportunity to do the many things I would like to.  I am very blessed to be here today, my story could have been very different.  I was reminded of this by a very good friend this morning, she texted me "I'm so thankful that you beat your cancer.  It's so scary-that could have been you.  I'm going home and schedule my Mammogram & Pap :)"  I was at the dentist office with my kids and read this, I started to cry in front of all those in the waiting room.  I feel her love and I am grateful for her words. 


May we all stop and give thought to all those who fight & win this great battle.  No matter if the win is in Heaven or on Earth....we will always win!!!


Hugs, Kisses & Smiles 

I Love You!

Marri 

Socially Acceptable............

This last year we have struggled with an issue at our sons school, bullying.  He has been harassed, pushed, kicked, tripped, teased, made fun of, singled out, and roughed up after school.  We have tried to work with the Administration of our school, but have been told "its all him" or "he is blowing things out of proportion".  There hasn't been a week that hasn't gone by this school year where he comes home talking about how he is picked on.  At first as a parent you are so defensive and want to find out who is doing this.  Then you talk to the school only to hear this is all in your child's mind.  You start to rationalize it just to cope.  All year we have seen his self confidence start to diminish, his happy go lucky attitude go dark.

I even went on a field trip with his class so I can see how he interacts with the kids, what I saw broke my heart.  Kids were indifferent to him, while on the bus I sat in the back and could hear a few boys taunt him and make fun of him.  The teacher was in the front so I am assuming she didn't hear this.  As a parent I wanted to protect him and tell those boys what they were doing was wrong, but then thought I may make it worse for him.

So many days he tells us how kids trip him and make him fall to the ground only to laugh at him.  Other kids bully him into giving him part of his lunch.  Girls have even circulated a picture of him on cell phones making fun of him at home and school.  I have even listened while kids bullying him while on XBox Live while playing games together.

I am sure you are asking yourself "where is the school in all this"?   I have spoken with his teacher who admitted she has seen somethings happen in the class.  It has gotten to the point were he will start to verbally fight back, which we have discouraged.   The Principal has told me "kids do trash talk on the playground but what can we do"?  We send our children to school thinking it will be a safe and educational environment and for the last 21 years having our children in the same elementary school district we have never experienced anything like this.  The principal even offered for our son to meet with a school councilor who can meet with him and teach him tools to use to cope with situations.  After an interview on the phone the councilor told me he would be benefit but because we have an HMO he doesn't qualify for this service.

I have come to see that Socially it is acceptable to use foul language at such young ages, its Socially acceptable to tease others and get away with it.  I think its a travesty that anyone at any age has to be told to just toughen up and deal with others making fun of you.  This is not how anyone should have to live.   I can't but help see that those who are the perpetrators are the ones who dictate what is Socially acceptable....This is where I draw the line.

I have asked a few moms at this school to ask their children if they have noticed if he is bullied or picked on.  The response was the same from each child, "yes he is and the language those kids use is not right".   "The kids pick on him and some bully".  "He's a nice kid and I don't know why they do this to him".   That is when my heart sunk.  When I told the Principal this she told me "I wish you wouldn't have done that, that is an inaccurate way to know.  I invite you to come and be on the playground to watch for yourself".  I appreciate the invitation but what will I see, kids being on their best behavior,  who will then later pick on my son for having me there?  I went to talk to his teacher before school stared and my son said "I hope the bad kids don't see us come out of the class, they will make fun of me and make stuff up".    I spoke to a mom about this and she said her daughter has expressed the same to her.

We have prayed with our son about this issue, to give him strength and peace.  There are so many days he doesn't want to go to school, he would rather be home, but we tell him to keep his head high & just tell them to STOP IT!  We pray for those who are committing these mean acts on our son, we pray that their hearts will be softened and they will see how their choices have been.  Each day we tell him to be strong & know Heavenly Father is walking right along side him.

Recently our church held its annual General Conference and President Dieter F Uchtdorf delivered this message to the world:

https://www.lds.org/youth/video/bullying-stop-it?lang=eng

I watched this video and as painful as it is to watch, I had my son watch with me.  I told him "see President Uchtdorf says to just say STOP IT".  I can only hope and pray you who are reading this will watch this video and share this with your family & friends.  If only we can all learn from two little yet very powerful words...Stop It.

Its Time For Spring Cleaning.......

Happy Spring Ladies, now don't forget to clean out closets, move furniture to clean behind and get all those dust bunnies and clean out the garage.  While your at it don't forget to detail your car, its needed it for a while.  Then make sure to turn all the mattresses over and donate all the items you don't need to a worthy cause.

Now that you have done all that take a look in the mirror.  Now it's time for you!  Call and make that appointment for your annual, or for some your first, Mammogram.  While you at it call to schedule a Physical as well.

One day while I was performing a self breast examination I found a lump.  Now this was about 2 months before our first daughter was to be married, so I resolved myself to "its nothing and if it is I will deal with it after the wedding".  Then came the end of the school year, the beginning of summer and finally I had my 2nd annual mammogram appointment to attend.  While I was there I told the Technician that I felt a lump but its was up high on my chest wall.  She right away said "the mammogram wont detect that area so I am going to send a referral off to radiology for you to have an ultrasound mammogram for that area".   When I attended my 'ultrasound mammo' I was told my Mammogram looked great and they really couldn't find anything.  I had to show them where and after a few minutes BINGO, they found what I had felt.  Fast forwarding I had 3 different types of Cancer, one of which was very a aggressive cancer.

After much prayer and discussion my husband and I told the breast surgeon that I wanted a 'Bilateral Mastectomy'.  My breast surgeon told me after they performed the biopsy "it was only a matter of time before it spread, You Literally Saved Your Life".  Now this was after 2 lumpectomies and 4 rounds of Chemotherapy.  I know that listening to my still small voice & being proactive is what saved my life.

Just 3 weeks ago I ran into an old friend, totally out of the blue.  When I asked how she was she said, "I was just diagnosed with Breast Cancer".  She seemed to still be in shock and didn't know how she and her husband were going to tell their children.  My husband and I pray for her and her family daily.  Over the last 2 years I have meet many wonderful and inspiring women who have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  All of us have our own unique story and all of us have something in common.....we are Survivors.

I encourage you....No I Challenge you to get your Mammogram.  Challenge your moms, sisters, daughters & girlfriends to get their Mammograms too!!!  Its a simple test that take about 15 minutes out of your daily life....to save your life!

Love You..... Marri

2 Years and Counting......

Nearly two years have passed since I had my Bilateral Mastectomy and became officially Cancer Free. Since then so much has happened to me, I am sad to say that I have neglected to write about.  I have started a new business as a bookkeeper for small businesses.  This has kept me very busy, so busy I have subconsciously neglected myself and exercise.

Looking back on the days I was just living one at a time, I kept telling myself "A year from now, 2 years from now".  Well its now that bench mark and I seem to be doing well.  All my hair is back, & I love to brush it, blow dry it and play with it.  Funny how things such as simple as brushing your hair is taken for granted.

Gossip, It's Never A Good Thing.......

Do you ever feel like your angry and you don't know why?  No it's not Menopause!  I was at a point where I had noticed in my life that something has been holding me back and I just couldn't move forward.  I tried to think it was someone else or something else, you know its always easier to blame someone else, it eases the pain.  I have found that facing my frustration will help me move forward.


So here it is.... about 4 years ago someone who I thought was a friend came to me one day.  Now this is someone who has been known to complain to others of how they feel they are not liked, and after a while you start to notice you are falling into that same mentality and find yourself looking for new friends.  On a few occasions she felt the need to tell me how others didn't think highly of my family and one day in-particular she said "you know I had lunch with this these women and they were talking about you and your situation".  She continued to tell me how these women were choosing to make me their topic of discussion, how stupid my husband and I were and what bad parents they thought we were.

Well of course I went through the usual female emotions.....

Mad: How could they say these things about me, I have never said one mean or negative thought about them.

Hurt: Now I feel like crawling under a rock, these women whom I thought were friendly towards me think so little of my family.

Anger: Seriously, who do they think they are?  I wouldn't want to be near them on judgement day!

Depression: I want to totally withdraw from everyone and just forget about having a friend, no one is truly my friend anyway.

After my emotions got the best of me for about a year I realized this is just not me.  I tried to turn the other cheek and kill them with kindness but yet these women seemed to me to snub me and only were friendly around big groups when others are looking.  I then decided to just ignore and move on, then I was diagnosed with Cancer.  I then had put my focus on what really mattered.  For a time we had some very kind friends bring us dinner during the days after my chemo treatments.  Nearly all of these women who passed judgement on me, or so I was being told, brought us dinner.  I didn't have bad feelings with a couple of them but 2 I did, in fact I tried to get out of receiving dinner from them.   This was very difficult for me but I knew that I needed to be more Christ Like.

Now the moral of this story is not to point a finger or to give shame to anyone, it is to bring awareness to feelings.  I have feelings and so do others.  Now in reality I really have no idea if what this woman had told me was even true, none the less I did go through all the emotions.  This has truly effected my friendships with so many, my families relationships with other families and my trust issue.  What I have found in all of this is when I read Scriptures and Pray daily with my family and husband I am so comforted.  I know as long as I treat others how I would want to be treated, have a true intent of my heart and live life with purpose and humbleness I will feel peace.  This is something I have come to know.

I started this story for my blog over 2 years ago and have felt different emotions while trying to finish this post.  Regardless if these women did or didn't choose to pass judgment on my family, they had no idea why my demeanor had changed with them.  I feel so bad and have repented for my actions.   I don't want anyone to take this as "Marri needs a hug"....OK maybe I do, BUT.... we are all here on earth to make our own choices.  Lets just make choices that don't hurt others, no matter your reason.