The Hard Truth

I am finally done with my Chemotherapy Treatments, each Chemotherapy does become harder to recover from.  So here's a list of the worst so far:

Hair follicles hurt - Loss of hair - Constipation - Body aches - Runny nose - Finger nails hurt - Joint pain - Memory loss - Physical fatigue - Eye sight blurry - Perception off - Very dry skin - Temporary menopause - Mouth sores - Intermittent loss of taste buds - Nausea - Headaches - Indigestion - Sleepless nights - Loss of smell - Weight Gain - Mental fatigue - Numbness - Night Sweats - Frustration - Understanding

I have to say with all this that I have been through so far, it's tolerable, it's not easy but it is tolerable.  I feel blessed for all the researchers and advancements in technology that has made Chemotherapy Tolerable.  I can remember my Grandmother dying of cancer in our home.  My sister and I had a large room on the main floor so the Hospital Bed was set up in our room.  We shared it with her intermittently over the last year of her life.  She was very skinny and frail.  Her tumor in her abdomen was so big she looked pregnant.  She carried it when she would slowly get out of bed.  She wore socks to help her legs from clotting.  She is was in so much pain she would moan all day and night.  My great Aunts and Great-grandmother came from as far away as Oklahoma to take turns caring of her.  One night she was so near death, at least that's what they told me, for all I know she did pass and they were able to revive her.  My Dad and Grandfather carried her to car and drove as fast as they could to UCSF where she was admitted and would pass away a couple of weeks later.  Her cancer metastisized and were now in her Uterus, Ovaries, Kidneys, Liver, Mouth and Brain.  She was a very strong woman all her life.  To see her pass this way was difficult but she was so very brave.  I wasn't very close to her but I have always had so much admoration for her and her strength.

Here is a few of what they call "Chemo Cocktail".  There are "Pre Chemo" drugs that are administered either through IV or Pills before I get the actual Chemo Drugs.  I start off with 3 Anti Nausea pills then receive a bag each of Saline, Pepcid and Benadryl.  All of these counter act any allergic effects I get from the Chemo it self. This process is usually an hour long.  I usually get very painful joint pain from the Taxotere (chemo)  so they then give me a syringe of Benadryl and push that through the IV, this really helps and then makes me really tired.  That treatment usually takes about 1 hour.  I then have a bag of Cytoxan (chemo) for about 40 minutes, this burns going in my hand so they heat me up a small bag of saline and put that on my hand, for some reason it helps???  Once I am done the IV comes out and I am free to go!  I was never to so happy to walk out those doors yesterday.

My faith hasn't been shaken but it has been strengthened.  I have literally cried in prayer for strength and asked to be carried when I need to be, I have been.  I know how loved I am by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I can say without a doubt that Jesus and Heavenly Father are my best friends.  When I have my darkest moments, when I am in so much pain or when I just need comforting I turn to my family and my Heavenly Father and my faith for strength.  I read my scriptures and write in my journal often.  I have gained so much spiritual strength over the last few months, but I know there is always room for growth.  I am so grateful for all the prayers offered on my behalf.  My fight is not over as I may have a few more surgeries ahead of me, but I do believe what I have been promised through my Church Patriarchial Blessing, that I will live a long life and I have much to accomplish.  No matter the age I am when I pass I am grateful for the knowledge that Families can be together forever.  Since my family has been sealed in the Los Angeles Temple I know that we will be together for all eternity, I am so grateful for that.  I am grateful for each and every one of you, it takes an enormous amount of support to not just the patient but the family as well.  We have been very blessed to have so much love and support.  I know this isn't usually as upbeat as I normally post but this is the true facts of Chemotherapy.  It's not easy but I have gotten through it.  I hope to never endure this again, I hope my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and any other family members never have to endure this terrible disease.  The truth is right now 1 in 8 will have breast cancer.  That's just for Breast Cancer, not to mention any other type of cancer out there.  I am very lucky to have the type of cancer that I do, this is so beatable.  I have decided to seek consultations for a Double Mastectomy and Hysterectomy as I am having a few issues with my female body parts during Chemo.  I am being very proactive in my health management and seeking all the advise and options that I have available before me.  I can't wait to get back to a normal life and have a Calling again for my church, give back to the community and start my Motivational Speaking as well as having my book published.  Lot's to look forward to but do know my family comes first!

My next Blog Posting wont be so harsh or weepy but I did want to share this with all of you so that you know how you have uplifted and really helped  my family through the last few months.  I can't thank you all enough.  2011 is behind us and I look forward to 2012 bringing much more great gifts and joy to our family.