Chemo....It Does Funny Things To Your Body

I am still waiting for my hair to grow back, you know I really miss it.  I sometimes find myself grabbing for it, brushing it and wanting to blow dry it.  It's the small things in life that you realize are habit forming.  I have a great wig that looks real, but I feel the mesh on my scalp, something you can't see.  I feel the synthetic hair and it doesn't feel the same to me.  I also wear my scarves, caps and hats but again it's not the same.  I have hair envy, is that bad or what?  I hear so many people complain about their hair color, texture and style.  I pray every day that my hair grows fast and isn't grey!! ha ha.

I have also realized how pale I am now....I haven't been out in the sun in so long!  I need to get out walking and get some color back in face.  Its so windy here lately I am afraid I may lose my wig so I guess I will have to sport a cap or scarf.  I went to a luncheon meeting one day in December.  I had just gotten this long wig from the American Cancer Society and wearing it was so new to me.  This lunch was on a day of "The Wind Storm" that blew through So Cal.  The wind was blowing so very hard that I had to hold the car door with two hands as I opened it to get out, for fear it could bend all the way back.  As I was walking to the restaurant I had to hold my wig down with my hand.  I noticed that the people in the restaurant were looking at me funny....I had to laugh, I would have done the same thing.  Since then I have learned to not ware wigs on a windy day...ha ha

Last week I attended another meeting and drove with a couple of friends.  We stopped at Taco Bell to grab a quick bite to eat.  I knew I couldn't eat anything there since I am unable to eat anything spicy.  I asked the man behind the counter if the chicken was spicy, he replied "No the a chicken isn't a spicy".  So I ordered a chicken soft taco with cheese only.  Now my mouth was coated, as usual after chemo, with this funny film in my mouth that prevented me from tasting anything.  I had my taco and we went on to the meeting.  After about 15 minutes my face felt really hot, I thought to myself "oh man my face is turning red"...then my tongue became tingly and my lips felt like they were plumping...ha ha.  All I could do was laugh in my head about this.  I wonder what the others in the meeting were thinking as they saw my face get more red as time went on.  So funny the things chemo can do to your body, yea really funny.

I'm so excited to eat spicy food again, salads, BBQ, berries and other fruit, eat tomatoes and not worry about what salt can do to my body.  I have gained about 15-20 lbs in water weight over the last week or two...I have been assured by my Hemo Oncologist that this weight will all come off in February.  I really hope she is right, I really don't want to end up on the Biggest Loser-Cancer Edition...ha ha  Actually that would be a good one!  I look forward to having the energy to exercise again!!  I need to build my stamina up and get back to working out again!!  

Sometimes Plans Change

So as I finished with my Chemotherapy....Wohooo....I continue to learn more and more about my pathology report, my body chemistry & options for treating my cancer to prevent it from coming back.  I have met with more new Doctors and have found that because I am Estrogen Positive my ovaries must come out, otherwise my cancer will come back.  I also have decided, through much prayer, to have a Bi-Lateral Mastectomy to prevent cancer from returning in either breast.  I know it's not 100% however chances are in my favor of  80%-90%  that it won't return.  I could have cancer in the muscles of my chest are and maybe in some tissue, but that is a slim chance.

So moving forward I will have my ovaries removed in February and Breast Surgery with reconstruction in March.  I should be done with all my surgeries in June!  I now have 3 Oncologists and a Plastic Surgeon, the good news is I won't need radiation now that I will have the Mastectomy, one less procedure to have done.

I have some great doctors who are really listening to me and teach me more about cancer and my body.  I am so grateful for the doctors and nurses I have!!

The Hard Truth

I am finally done with my Chemotherapy Treatments, each Chemotherapy does become harder to recover from.  So here's a list of the worst so far:

Hair follicles hurt - Loss of hair - Constipation - Body aches - Runny nose - Finger nails hurt - Joint pain - Memory loss - Physical fatigue - Eye sight blurry - Perception off - Very dry skin - Temporary menopause - Mouth sores - Intermittent loss of taste buds - Nausea - Headaches - Indigestion - Sleepless nights - Loss of smell - Weight Gain - Mental fatigue - Numbness - Night Sweats - Frustration - Understanding

I have to say with all this that I have been through so far, it's tolerable, it's not easy but it is tolerable.  I feel blessed for all the researchers and advancements in technology that has made Chemotherapy Tolerable.  I can remember my Grandmother dying of cancer in our home.  My sister and I had a large room on the main floor so the Hospital Bed was set up in our room.  We shared it with her intermittently over the last year of her life.  She was very skinny and frail.  Her tumor in her abdomen was so big she looked pregnant.  She carried it when she would slowly get out of bed.  She wore socks to help her legs from clotting.  She is was in so much pain she would moan all day and night.  My great Aunts and Great-grandmother came from as far away as Oklahoma to take turns caring of her.  One night she was so near death, at least that's what they told me, for all I know she did pass and they were able to revive her.  My Dad and Grandfather carried her to car and drove as fast as they could to UCSF where she was admitted and would pass away a couple of weeks later.  Her cancer metastisized and were now in her Uterus, Ovaries, Kidneys, Liver, Mouth and Brain.  She was a very strong woman all her life.  To see her pass this way was difficult but she was so very brave.  I wasn't very close to her but I have always had so much admoration for her and her strength.

Here is a few of what they call "Chemo Cocktail".  There are "Pre Chemo" drugs that are administered either through IV or Pills before I get the actual Chemo Drugs.  I start off with 3 Anti Nausea pills then receive a bag each of Saline, Pepcid and Benadryl.  All of these counter act any allergic effects I get from the Chemo it self. This process is usually an hour long.  I usually get very painful joint pain from the Taxotere (chemo)  so they then give me a syringe of Benadryl and push that through the IV, this really helps and then makes me really tired.  That treatment usually takes about 1 hour.  I then have a bag of Cytoxan (chemo) for about 40 minutes, this burns going in my hand so they heat me up a small bag of saline and put that on my hand, for some reason it helps???  Once I am done the IV comes out and I am free to go!  I was never to so happy to walk out those doors yesterday.

My faith hasn't been shaken but it has been strengthened.  I have literally cried in prayer for strength and asked to be carried when I need to be, I have been.  I know how loved I am by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I can say without a doubt that Jesus and Heavenly Father are my best friends.  When I have my darkest moments, when I am in so much pain or when I just need comforting I turn to my family and my Heavenly Father and my faith for strength.  I read my scriptures and write in my journal often.  I have gained so much spiritual strength over the last few months, but I know there is always room for growth.  I am so grateful for all the prayers offered on my behalf.  My fight is not over as I may have a few more surgeries ahead of me, but I do believe what I have been promised through my Church Patriarchial Blessing, that I will live a long life and I have much to accomplish.  No matter the age I am when I pass I am grateful for the knowledge that Families can be together forever.  Since my family has been sealed in the Los Angeles Temple I know that we will be together for all eternity, I am so grateful for that.  I am grateful for each and every one of you, it takes an enormous amount of support to not just the patient but the family as well.  We have been very blessed to have so much love and support.  I know this isn't usually as upbeat as I normally post but this is the true facts of Chemotherapy.  It's not easy but I have gotten through it.  I hope to never endure this again, I hope my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and any other family members never have to endure this terrible disease.  The truth is right now 1 in 8 will have breast cancer.  That's just for Breast Cancer, not to mention any other type of cancer out there.  I am very lucky to have the type of cancer that I do, this is so beatable.  I have decided to seek consultations for a Double Mastectomy and Hysterectomy as I am having a few issues with my female body parts during Chemo.  I am being very proactive in my health management and seeking all the advise and options that I have available before me.  I can't wait to get back to a normal life and have a Calling again for my church, give back to the community and start my Motivational Speaking as well as having my book published.  Lot's to look forward to but do know my family comes first!

My next Blog Posting wont be so harsh or weepy but I did want to share this with all of you so that you know how you have uplifted and really helped  my family through the last few months.  I can't thank you all enough.  2011 is behind us and I look forward to 2012 bringing much more great gifts and joy to our family.